Memorial Gardens

I had heard of memorial gardens of course, but when Brian died, it all made perfect sense to me.   Brian was my best friend since high school.   We lived far apart, but e-mailed every day and talked on the phone every chance we got.   When he died suddenly of a heart attack (in his early 30s) all I wanted was to be close to him again.   I started thinking of building a place in the garden with things that Brian would have liked... Buddas, stones, a meditation space.   2 weeks later was Sept. 11 2001, and suddenly all of America was in mourning... we all needed a memorial garden.

I started thinking about what was important in a garden and what special things a memorial garden would have to include to make it a separate, private space that would endure through the mourning process and be there when the light of day started to come in again.
Structures, benches, night lighting, pots, inscriptions, art.   All of this, but most of all a separate area all to itself - a semi-enclosed space for prayer and reflection, or a big open space for playful interaction, it would have to be it's own place.

Some of my personal favorite ideas in small memorial gardens:

A covered bench, sheltering the person within.

Flat stones laid in a path for the number of years you were together, or for the number of years they lived.

An arbor covered in morning glories (growing out of pots).

Outdoor lanterns to light, or candles in hurricane glasses.

With all of these, the name given special focus through inscriptions.

Remember when helping someone else to create a memorial garden, or when creating one for someone else, keep new plants to a minimum unless they have specially requested it.   Taking care of new plantings is an everyday chore, and they may have many other things to take care of and be overwhelmed with the weight of all they suddenly have to do.   A new bench, or a seat in the garden with a garden statue or art will give them a place of reflection and quiet without adding to their burden.   Special plants can always be added later.